Onion Articles

If you are in need of funny and intelligent news, the Onion (America's Finest News Source) is the place to go. The content is satirical, but very much based on current real-world issues.

More Companies Phasing Out Retirement Option
NEW YORK—With pension funds dwindling as retirees enjoy longer, more capable lives, many businesses have opted to freeze their workers' employment status and keep them on the job through their sunset years. (read the whole article)

Man's Relationship Advice Same As His Hunting Tips
VERONA, WI—Friends report that HVAC installer Kirk Pulver has markedly similar advice on both relationships and deer hunting. "You have to dress either to blend in with the scenery or to stand out from it, depending on the situation, but either way, you want to disguise your scent," said Pulver to friends at a local tavern. "You have to find out where they eat, where they sleep, where they pee, and when they're most likely to be off guard. Then, when you've got a clear look at their rack and you're sure they're legal, bam! You take 'em." Pulver's associates noted that he has not bagged a deer or a woman in six years.unny and intelligent

GEICO Saves 15 Percent Or More By Discontinuing Advertising

CEO Spends 30 Percent Of Earnings Staying Out Of Jail