CRAZY video

Matrix Ping-Pong

Cars, streakers, misc.

STREAKER scores a goal during a professional soccer game - this is entertaining, and fairly

Nice drifting video - this is only interesting if you like seeing highly tuned cars sliding around sharp corners.

Where Eagles Fly video

Motorcycle chasing down a BMW Z3 M coupe - fairly exciting, long

AP english video - I guess this could be funny, but i'm in class so i can't hear the audio. It is 27 mins long, and has silly looking costumes. The title is slightly amusing.

Lancer EVO vs. Lamborghini Murcielago - top gear special

Ferrari FXX - I think this is kind of an ugly car, w/a bad name, but i'll admit that it is ridiculously fast.

Onion Articles

If you are in need of funny and intelligent news, the Onion (America's Finest News Source) is the place to go. The content is satirical, but very much based on current real-world issues.

More Companies Phasing Out Retirement Option
NEW YORK—With pension funds dwindling as retirees enjoy longer, more capable lives, many businesses have opted to freeze their workers' employment status and keep them on the job through their sunset years. (read the whole article)

Man's Relationship Advice Same As His Hunting Tips
VERONA, WI—Friends report that HVAC installer Kirk Pulver has markedly similar advice on both relationships and deer hunting. "You have to dress either to blend in with the scenery or to stand out from it, depending on the situation, but either way, you want to disguise your scent," said Pulver to friends at a local tavern. "You have to find out where they eat, where they sleep, where they pee, and when they're most likely to be off guard. Then, when you've got a clear look at their rack and you're sure they're legal, bam! You take 'em." Pulver's associates noted that he has not bagged a deer or a woman in six years.unny and intelligent

GEICO Saves 15 Percent Or More By Discontinuing Advertising

CEO Spends 30 Percent Of Earnings Staying Out Of Jail

Dunking videos

Vince Carter - dunks over a 7' 1" guy. I have never managed to do this.

Same video, showing how the play developed

misc. Vince Carter windmill dunks - the most impressive ones involve windmilling around the defender.

Michael Jordan - 10 best dunks. As the NBA moved from short shorts to long shorts, Jordan was there all the way. It is also entertaining to look at the reaction from the crowds in the 80s and early 90s.

Lebron James - High school dunk contest (he won)

Lebron - reverse windmill

Some classic clips

Reporter getting hit by snow - only funny because it is a crapload of snow.

Cup stacking - the fastest cup stackers in the co

Man attacked by lizard on tv show - he shakes like he has some sort of neurological condition.

Star Wars kid - If you haven't seen this . . . then wow. A very famous clip involving a kid who apparently recorded himself performing some cool moves.

Numa Numa song - A few weeks ago, my friends were amazed to hear that i'd never seen this video. That problem has since been fixed, and here is the video for your enjoyment.

Caught doing the Numa Numa dance! - a spy recording of a guy dancing to music on his laptop.

A few more videos

Nazi Twins - Holy crap. This is a video of two girls who have essentially been brainwashed by their mother. They sing cute songs about racism. The video quality is poor, but the audio is good. And I think the "ethnic cleansing" video game is inappropriate.

Korean Anti-American video - WARNING: explicit lyrics. This is an extremely weird (yet musically catchy) anti-American quasi music video. The . . . imagery and vivid descriptions are unlike any i've ever seen. Don't get this song stuck in yourhead, and don't let yourself sing the lyrics in public.

let's try to get away from the anti-American theme

George Bush Sr. slip up

Reporter Getting High - More funny than i originally guessed. Soldiers . . . burning . . . huge piles of drugs.

Scare Me! - A short, silly, documentary style production that, while "pointless," does manage to push the bounds of reality television.

Goldfish Ballet - Okay, so that is probably a stretch, but these fish are fairly cool.

Hoaxes

The internet is a spectacular place for hoaxes to start and spread. This also makes it a good place to look up interesting hoaxes that have developed over the years.

The Proctor & Gamble Satanic Church Association
This hoax takes the form of a press release that has been forwarded by concerned christians all across the country.
"The President of Procter & Gamble appeared on the Sally Jesse Raphael Show on March 1, 1998. He announced that "due to the openness of our society," he was coming out of the closet about his association with the Church of Satan. He stated that a large portion of his profits from Procter & Gamble products goes to support this satanic church. When asked by Sally Jesse if stating this on TV would hurt his business, he replied, " THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH CHRISTIANS IN THE UNITED STATES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE"."

If you were a devout christian (perhaps you are?), would this rumor make you think twice about choosing a Proctor & Gamble product over a close substitute? You might. (read more)

Man-Eating Snake
These pictures show a snake that has clearly just had a large meal. The site claims that the snake has just eaten a person, saying, "this should be a warning to people who want to keep large snakes." The truth is that the snake had eaten some sort of wild pig, and the last picture showing a person is completely staged. I don't know if it was staged with a dead guy (very morbid), or with a living person (disgusting). It is easy to see that the snake in this picture is colored differently, and that a snake with a full-sized person inside wouldn't look like the snake in the first two pictures.

Hand-Related Product Showcase

Hands-Free "Pacifeeder"
Does your baby's bottle prevent him or her from mulitasking to their maximum potential? Get the "Pacifeeder" and watch your child's productivity soar. Ebay auction ends on January 27th.

Targus DEFCON Fingerprint Authenticator
Tired of your pets guessing your password and scattering trash all over your desktop? Or perhaps you just want to look extraordinarily cool? Or, you want more accessible USB ports. This gadget seems like a cool way to increase computer security, and i think it would be fun to try and trick the print reader using various movie-inspired tactics.

Pedro Friedeberg Hand Chair Sculptures
Have you ever wanted to sit in a giant black hand? Or do you think that a set of huge hands would perfectly complement your home's decor scheme consisting of an Olmec head and giant black feet? Starting bid only $18,000. Auction ends Jan. 28th.

Hellboy "Hand of Doom"
Pretty much useless and stupid, as far as i can tell. And the auction was ending in 28 seconds when i put this up, so you've lost your chance.

Mr. and Ms. Wonderful dolls

Dolls with a sense of humor.

Ms. Wonderful says:

• Don't feel bad honey, i forgot it was our anniversary too!
• You don't need a glass, just go ahead and drink right out of the carton.
• A new reversible drill, oh honey it's just what i needed!
• Are you sure it's ok to wash this shirt? You've only worn it for a couple of days.
• Don't worry about taking the trash out. I can use the exercise.
• It really doesn't matter if you leave the toilet seat up, it makes it easier to clean.
• You're right, we don't need directions, maybe you'll find a short cut.

Mr. Wonderful says:

• You take the remote, as log as i'm with you, I don't care what we watch.
  
• You've been on my mind all day. That's why I bought you these flowers.
• Why don't we go the the mall, didn't you want some shoes.
  
• You know honey, why don't you just relax and let me make dinner tonight.
• The ball game is not that important, I'd rather spend time with you.
• You know, I think it's really important that we talk about our relationship.
  
• Plus many more!
• "Ahh, can't your mother stay another week?"
• "Let's just cuddle tonight"
• "Actually I am not really sure which way to go, I'll turn in here and ask directions."

buy them here

Funny electronic dog product

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog ToyA sampling of comments he speaks:

• "No, this is great. I haven't had this much fun since the doctor chopped my nuts off."
• "May I please sniff your butt."
• "Seriously, have you ever spoken to a woman without having to give her your credit card number?"
• "A triumph doll, oh yes...how much did you pay for this piece of crap?"
• "Seriously, I like you but then again I eat my own crap"

buy it here, $24.99

Baby Monkey Costume

Have a little one on the way? Why not dress them up in a baby monkey costume?
only $50 here

or, try:

a Superman Outfit

Whoopie Cushion costume (where do the feet go?)

Food costumes (ketchup, pizza, mustard, ice cream cone, tootsie roll, etc.)

the DEVIL costume

Chewbacca costume

Darth Vader (i think it needs the mask)

Baby Elephant costume (only $20)

Pirate Dog!

Dog Yoda Costume

Jewish dog costume

Musings

I'm finding that many topics might be large enough to support a blog of their own. Topics that are big enough to support themselves, in my opinion:

I) Seinfeld - analysis, quotes, storylines
II) Cars - analysis, videos, pictures, new releases, in-depth comparisions, hybrid technologies
III) Hoaxes - misc. hoaxes, their inception, development, ability to stand the test of time, etc.
IV) My life - i guess this would be more like an online diary, but there would be enough material to keep this going indefinitely.
V) Websites - Funny videos, sites, jokes, pictures, products

I wonder if i could start separate blogs for these topics, and then keep disciplined enough to keep them updated. For now, i'm going to continue with the random subject postings, but i'm open to suggestions.

VI) Baby Animal Pictures - also a possible topic. Baby hedgehogs:

Puppy Pictures, plus an ugly picture blog

This is a very cute puppy - Possibly the cutest i've seen

another cute picture of puppies

oh, almost forgot. Here is the perfect rival to CuteOverload.com. Yes, you guessed it.

UglyOverload! A blog of ugly animal pictures. I don't think most of them are actually ugly, but just cool.

Interesting Blogs

Here are a few specialized blogs that i consider worthy of attention:

Buy Curious - A collection of funny Amazon.com reviews. The subject is good, and the material is certainly there. Unfortunately, there are tons of hilarious reviews that will never be read, even with resources like this. I particularly like the fire escape ladder review.

Put Your Damn Collar Down - An excellent site created by a Williams student. Straightforward, with an excellent format. Each entry is a picture of a collar-positioning transgression, along with a line or two of clever commentary.

Example, "I'm sure in real life this guy is a nice person, but solely based on his attire, I want to punch him in the face."

I Hate Capri Pants - This was the inspiration for the previous collar blog, and is based on the same principle, harsh criticism of crappy wardrobe choices.

Website of David Schaich, an amherst senior - Schaich is smart, and . . . eh, a bit weird. He has worked at CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research, impressive), and TAs several subjects at amherst.

Challenge. Check out his picture here.

He claims to be "not exactly the most social of creatures." I don't doubt it.

Now, answer the following questions:

Is David majoring in:
a) one subject
b) two subjects
c) three subjects
d) four subjects
e) being funny looking

Using your previous answer, decide which subject(s) he is majoring in.
a) biology
b) physics
c) computer science
d) chemistry
e) math
f) english
g) history
h) political science
i) neuroscience
j) astronomy

the answer can be found in the first sentence of his bio, found here.

Ammonia Leak on Campus

Worst Case
From WSO, "The entire Odd Quad, Spencer, and the Ice Rink have been evacuated indefinitely following an ammonia leak in the Ice Rink."

Apparently ammonia was released in the air around the Odd Quad, and this could be a serious health threat, so the area was evacuated.

What happens if someone gets sick from ammonia?

• In the air: Breathing low concentrations of ammonia (for example, gases from cleaning products) may cause coughing and nose and throat irritation. Depending on the concentration of exposure, length of time and way the person is exposed, lung damage or death could occur.
  
  
• In the mouth: Swallowing small amounts of ammonia may cause burns in the mouth and throat.
  
  
• On the skin: A few drops of concentrated ammonia on the skin will cause burns and open sores if not washed away quickly.
  
  
• In the eyes: A few drops of concentrated ammonia in the eyes may cause damage. Exposure to larger amounts of liquid ammonia in the eyes causes severe eye damage and can lead to blindness.

Prevention of illness after contact: First, leave the area where the ammonia was released and move to fresh air. Next, Remove clothing.

So, imagine this scene. A cloud of poisonous ammonia gas infiltrates the Odd Quad, sending throngs of stripped naked and coughing Odd Quadders fleeing to find clean air.

Best Case
It seems to me that the evacuation occured after a few people reported a mild ammonia smell. According the Illinois Department of Public Health, "Ammonia has a very strong odor when a large amount of the gas (50 parts per million) is in the air. Therefore, the smell of ammonia will likely alert a person before exposure to a harmful amount is possible."

I assume that the area was evacuated purely as a precaution. Because students were allowed back in dorms at 12:30AM, it seems logical to think that the leak was very minor.

Ammonia Leaks in other Institutions of Higher Learning

Yale rink ammonia leak

Berkeley ammonia leak

Amherst Wikipedia Revisions

I changed (vandalized) the amherst college wikipedia entry last Thursday in class. Until today, almost all the changes had gone unnoticed. Yesterday at 11am, someone changed the "AmHerst" pronunciation guide to a more amherst-friendly "Am'erst."

Today, a registered user removed many of the additions i had made to the athletics section of the page. They removed "Rival Williams College has won the Director's Cup nine of the ten years since its inception, including seven years in a row through 2005." And instead just left the sentence as, "Amherst has one of the best Division III athletic programs in the country, placing in the top ten of the NACDA Director's Cup five of the last ten years."

Also, i had cut and pasted an entire paragraph about amherst having a time-honored tradition of losing to Williams, but this was completely removed.

The only surviving alteration is that the "Astronaut Alumni" entries were deleted, and have not been put back up. My conclusion, deletion-type vandalism is probably more likely to go undetected because people won't notice it just browsing entries.

So, to the amherst alumni astronauts Robert A. R. Parker and Jeffrey A. Hoffman, i'm sorry that you have lost publicity on Wikipedia. I trust that someone will put this information back up at some point. If it isn't done in a timely manner, i'll be sure to add the names to the entry.

Dove video

Dove Release
What could possible be funny about a child releasing a dove by gently tossing it into the air?

Educational Video

Powers of 10 - This video shows the concept of scale on a . . . well, huge scale. From a single proton to a cloud of dust speck-like galaxies, this clip really helps us understand that the universe is made primarily of nothingness, at both the large and small ends of the scale spectrum.

and a not-so-educational, but cool, car video.

Saab Suite - This is a number of Saab cars clearly driven by professionals. Very artsy and well done musical score.

Funny Videos

I watched a tv show about funny videos last night (not AFV, though that is funny), and decided to do my own segment here on the blog. Some of these videos were on the show last night.

President Bush's Iraqi Update - The truth comes out. Sure, everybody misspeaks every so often, but i think most people will agree that president bush is particularly bad about it. And this is an especially important subject, so it seems like he should be careful about what he is saying.

Rusty, the narcoleptic dog - Hilarious. And cute. And the narration is so soothing.

The Isuzu Performance Team - This video is crazy, but it is clear that some parts are completely fake and done by computers. This makes it hard to distinguish between amazing driving and programming, but a cool video nonetheless.

Crazy Japanese Arnold Swartzenegger Commercial - Touted as the greatest commerical of all time. A tough claim to make, but i will say that Arnold's maniacal laughing is damn funny.


Folding a shirt - Impressive, and more interesting than the video name.

A change on campus

Yesterday it was 50 degrees and raining. There was no snow, except for a few surviving snowbanks.

Today it is 10 degrees with a -5 degree windchill, and there are 6 inches of snow on the ground. Here is the view from my window.


And the 10-day forecast basically says it is going to warm up and all this snow will melt, but looking outside, that is hard to believe.

sledding

It has been 50 degrees for two days straight, and it rained Wednesday night. The snow has been gone from campus for almost two weeks now, and people have been wearing t-shirts around.

Yet even with all this, i held my Friday afternoon sledding class today. We drove up to Berlin Mtn, where the college ski team used to practice in the past.

The Class Members

other pictures:
Making Snowballs
Rolling Snowballs
Successful Train!

Also, here is a movie of us sledding down the lower part of the slope. This is a big file (102mb), but should work.

Sledding Pictures from Wednesday

Trekking Through the Woods
Students in the Clouds
The Trail
The Instructor

Fun with Wikipedia

Yesterday, we altered parts of the Amherst College Wikipedia entry as a part of the blogonomics class. The changes still stand, 24 hours later. I have made other small changes to misc. pages in the past, but these changes have lasted the longest.

Wikipedia: Amherst College

Sam Dreeben added a line to the "Origins of the name" section. "'Amherst' is pronounced with a hard "h" - AmHerst."

I added a paragraph at the end of the athletics section that mentions a "time-honored tradition" of losing to Williams College. Also, I deleted the two astronauts listed as alumni, and replaced them with Buzz Lightyear.

None of these changes had been corrected 24 hours after the change, but today i was pleased to see that someone had deleted the "Astronaut" section altogether, citing the reason that the content was an "obvious fabrication."

So, the net result is that i have lost a bit of respect for Wikipedia. The site clearly does not have the capability to regulate recent posts and to correct deliberately false info. The altered entry has been accessible to millions of people around the world in the incorrect state, and it is fun to think of how many people learned the true pronounciation and athletic prowess of the college in the past day.

Interesting Song

Do you have any idea what happens when Justin Timberlake and Nelly record together while sampling AC/DC?

Work it

Erik Weihenmeyer

Last night, Erik Weihenmeyer gave a talk in Chapin Hall about his experiences with blindness, climbing, goal setting, and life in general. I was impressed by the turnout, and Chapin was pretty much filled.

The talk was good, and the pictures were amazing. The team that climbed Everest in 2001 also included the oldest person (64) to make it to the top.

After switching to the next slide, Erik would ask, "Is this the one of me in front of a mountain?" or "Is this a bridge?" This would cause the audience to murmer either "no" or "yes" in kind of an "i know you're blind so i'm going to try to say this in a way that is helpful but that doesn't make it seem like i'm telling you something that is extremely obvious to me" type of voice.

I thought a certain portion of Erik's talk was a bit out of line. After talking about his fight against blindness, he became a bit coarse. "Make blindness your bitch, before it makes you its bitch." Actually, he didn't say this, but it covers the basic idea.

Actually, he said that it is important to develop an overall vision from which you can create life goals. Accomplishing these goals involves surrounding yourself with those who believe and trust you. His talk was very team and community oriented.

And . . . it is warmer today than was predicted yesterday. 50 degrees and sunny.

The Weather

It is 47 degrees right now, and the forecast predicts rain for the day. Yesterday it was over 40 most of the day, and tomorrow it is supposed to be 46.

Today Jan 11 Few Showers 48°/38° 40%			40 % Get Tips for Driving in the Rain
Thu Jan 12 Partly Cloudy 46°/33° 20%			20 %

Fri Jan 13 Partly Cloudy 50°/42° 10%			10 %
Sat Jan 14 Showers 46°/17° 40%			40 % Get Tips for Driving in the Rain
Sun Jan 15 Few Snow Showers / Wind 24°/19° 30%			30 %
Mon Jan 16 Mostly Cloudy 34°/28° 10%			10 %
Tue Jan 17 Few Showers 42°/40° 30%			30 % Get Tips for Driving in the Rain
Wed Jan 18 Showers 49°/24° 40%			40 %
Thu Jan 19 Partly Cloudy 34°/22° 20%			20 %
Fri Jan 20 Cloudy 37°/24° 20%			20 %

Anyway, this weather is ridiculous.

I'm supposed to be teaching a sledding class once a week, and all the snow is melting. Very sad. From 1892-2000, the average January temperature in Hopkins forest has been 21 degrees. This accounts for the nighttime temperature, but it is clear that this warm streak is unusual.

The 10 day low temperature forecast is predicted to be below the 100 year average for only 2 of the next 10 days.

Cyclops

The Cycloptic Kitten

Cy, short for Cyclopes, a kitten born with only one eye and no nose, is shown in this photo provided by its owner in Redmond, Oregon, on Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005. The kitten, a ragdoll breed, which died after living for one day, was one of two in the litter. Its sibling was born normal and healthy.


Cycloptic Colleague

Number Two: Dr. Evil... it's about the sharks. When you were frozen, they were put on the endangered species list. We tried to get some, but it would've taken months to clear up the red tape.
Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!

The Cycloptic Cat

In college I used to feed scraps to a cycloptic cat. Not only was this cat missing an eye but also had two large saber-toothed teeth. It was if a long dormant fragment of DNA revived to give him those long fangs-- some odd throwback from when domestic cats were tigers or jaguars. And he had a strange cry that sounded more like a bleating lamb than a meowing cat . . . read more

The Cycloptic Fashion Statement

Crazy stuff

Movie Spoilers!

Want to learn the ends of movies before seeing them? I don't know why you'd want to learn about plot twists in this way, but here you are.

Jesus Dress-up : )
no real surprises here. Well done though

The Onion - America's Finest News Source
simply the best website on the internet

iRobot Roomba Intelligent Floorvac Robotic Vacuum
for $350, you get:

-"It's very good about not going down stairs. Mine hasn't fallen yet."

-"You can't have clutter. As others have said, it'll suck up phone cords and papers. So far I've "Roomba-safed" 4 rooms."

-"The sound of my roomba running is the sound of CLEAN to me now :)"

or, go for the $150 iRobot Roomba 4100 Intelligent Floorvac Robotic Vacuum, Red
be sure to watch the video on the amazon page!

podcast test

trying to do a podcast

not very interesting. sorry

Grow Yourself a Dinosaur

I put 6 of those growing dinosaurs into a beer bottle of water about a week ago. I think they are at their maximum size now. Kind of cool.

Seinfeld Quote of the Day + a philosophical musing

KRAMER: (Like a teacher) The Andrea Doria collided with the Stockholm in dense fog 21 miles off the coast of Nantucket.

GEORGE: How do you know?

KRAMER: It's in my book - "Astonishing Tales of the Sea."

GEORGE: Kramer, can I take a look at that book?

KRAMER: Oh yeah. I also got "Astounding Bear Attacks."

I think i was able to correctly answer a Jeopardy question because of this quote at some point. Having the capacity to provide an answer to a Jeopardy question is one of the ways i determine whether something is useful. I think it is a decent mechanism of evaluation. Geography is typically helpful in this regard. Current events, presidents, things from the bible, etc. I'm not saying i know anything from the bible, just that i sometimes wish i did because it is useful information to know (because of Jeopardy).

Books!

Galapagos - Kurt Vonnegut

I just finished reading this during my switchboard shift this morning. Eh, a bit too crazy and non-linear for me. Vonnegut defies typical chronology, and i guess i'd rather stick with a traditional story. The book is fairly provocative though, with the premise that a stranded colony of humans on the Galapagos evolves into small-brained fish-eaters in a million years.

Just started:
Fatal Vision - Joe McGinniss

This book chronicles the true story of a murder and subsequent investigation and trial. Dr. Jeffrey McDonald is a successful and well-liked professional whose pregnant wife and two children are brutally murdered some night. McDonald is bloodied and is found with a punctured lung, but this doesn't keep him from eventually becoming the prime suspect. His story doesn't fit in with the evidence uncovered by the forensic team, and a tense air of suspicion arises . . .

Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

I really liked this book and read it in a couple nights. Hosseini describes the hardships and relationships of some people growing up in pre-Taliban Afghanistan. The main character leaves to go to the U.S., and briefly returns to Afghanistan to find the country completely changed and under new leadership. A powerful tale of companionship, nationalism, guilt, and obligation.

The Power of One - Bryce Courtenay

Definitely the best book I read over 2005. The book describes several stages of Peekay's life in South Africa. His friends, enemies, and exploits are more exciting than could possibly be imagined in a young man's life. I guess this is because it is a novel, but my point is that the book is full of surprises. Small victories and defeats occur on a day-to-day basis, with a clear, ever-present goal keeping Peekay more focused than any other character i've ever met in a book.

Sunday's report of Saturday

Slept in, and went the the Chef's Hat for brunch with Annie. Their small apple juice was grossly overpriced ($1.95), but the breakfast was very good and worth the money. The waitress was the best i've had in several years. Immediately came to the table to ask about drinks, and then returned with whatever we asked for in a very timely manner.

Home, then cross-country skiing at the golf course, which was fun and exciting during a few tee-box descents. Also, i was playing boggle last night, and found harping(s) and carping(s) in one of the best rounds. 32 points total.

Now i'm watching more seinfeld, The Abstinence. George becomes smart after he stops having sex, while Elaine turns into an idiot after doing the same. Kramer starts a smoking lounge in his apartment ("after they come in once, it's like they're addicted"), and then files a case against the tobacco companies with Jackie Childs because the cigarette smoke makes Kramer's face all crinkly and craggly.

"You'd better believe it, Jackie's cashing in on your wretched disfigurement."

Today: Brunch, volleyball practice, wings from the Forge at Carter, and then an IM basketball game at 9:30 tonight.

Seinfeld Quote of the Day

I think this may be a recurring blog development. Here goes.

Kramer and Jerry are in Jerry's apartment. Kramer smashed up Jerry's broken stereo, then shipped it to him after insuring the package for $400.

Jerry: So were going to make the Post Office pay for my new stereo?

Kramer: It's just a write off for them.

Jerry: How is it a write off?

Kramer: They just write it off.

Jerry: Write it off what?

Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.

Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is.

Kramer: Do you?

Jerry: No. I don't.

Kramer: But they do, and they are the ones writing it off.

Jerry: I wish I just had the last twenty seconds of my life back.

The insurance claim gets red-flagged, and Newman interrogates Jerry in an effort to convict him of mail fraud. The investigation yields nothing, until Newman finds a picture of Jerry pointing to the stereo as if it were broken. Along with this picture, Newman finds some pictures of George and a photo gallery employee in provocative poses. This is where George's famous "The Timeless Art of Seduction" print origininated.

Saturday's report of friday, which segues into talking about my life at the switchboard

For today, the blog is lapsing into me talking about my life over the last few days. This is what Peter Tosirisuk tends to do with his blog, however, and i respect him and his blogging tendencies, so maybe this is okay.

Anyway, Friday morning began with a 3-hour shift at the campus switchboard, where i field calls from people getting in touch with members of the William's college community. Yesterday's highlight was probably me offering a credit card telemarketer a platinum card with an $8,000 limit, for which they had already been approved. The other amusing part was a guy who called asking for Martin.

guy: "Is Martin there?"
me: "Martin who?"
guy: "I don't know his last name."
me: "Is he working on a construction job?"
guy: "Yea. Martin."
me: "Well, i have a campus directory here, and i can't just look through it for people named Martin, so i don't think i can help you.
guy: "Nevermind, it's not important."

and over the past three years, there have been some humorous occurrences. One night a kid dressed in tin foil and with a funny shiny helmet came in and claimed to have just seen a UFO sighting. The guy at the security desk asked him what he really wanted, and whether this was some kind of joke, but the kid persisted and said he had really seen a UFO. The dispatcher asked what he was supposed to do, and i told him that i would take a report. The UFO viewer pulled up a chair and began to recount a tale in vivid detail.

I wrote everything down, but have since lost the paper. A true loss for sure. The kid claimed to be from a different planet, but he'd been living here for the past year or so. He left his own planet to escape from a certain evil that was invading his planet, and that was threatening the whole solar system. Apparently he came to this country to warn us of a possible attack, and had just become concerned because of the UFO sighting.

I asked what he'd been eating on this planet, and his reply was simple. "Soup. It gives me all the essential amino acids i need to survive." I thought this was quite amusing. He went on and on about the biology if his species, his gun (made entirely of tin foil, from what i could tell), and his home planet. After a while, i asked him his name, but he said that simply saying his name aloud would take more than a hundred earth years.

The fun ended when an apparent Boy Scout leader arrived to take the kid away. He apologized for any trouble he may have caused, and said they were doing some sort of activity down at the church and this was part of the night's festivities.

In blogonomics

Now, i'm in class and learning about how to podcast. The learning process is a bit . . . slow, but i think i'll be able to add some audio feeds to this blog at some point. This could possibly be the first blog ever updated during a Blogonomics class.

Thursday

So, after waking up the sound of snow shovels scraping outside my window, I went to breakfast. Bacon, eggs to order (over easy), home fries, corn muffin, cornbread, apple juice, and some Trix that didn't get touched.

Off to the elementary school in a blizzard (they didn't cancel school because the last cancelation was a snowless snowday), did some basic accounting work (4th grade level), and back home.

This is the first real update of the blog, and i'm wondering if it is headed in any sort of direction that might be interesting to people outside my immediate peer group. So far today, i would say no.

To do: lunch, class (blogonomics), break, dinner, basketball practice, IM basketball game.

okay, watching seinfeld (the revenge). done for now.

Websites

So, there are a million crazy websites out there. Here are a few interesting ones i found tonight.

cuteoverload.com: This site basically has cute pictures, though i'm disappointed at the dearth of baby monkey pictures.

Wikipedia.com Random Page: This is always a good way to educate yourself. Or at least a chance to see what happens when people from across the country are given free access to publish on a public "expert-based" site.

The Grapefall Video

After 4 years of broadband internet video searching, i think that this is still the funniest video online. If you haven't seen it, click the movie below to check it out, and then continue reading.


So why is this the funniest video online?

The sounds
This woman makes the most inhuman, hilariously gutteral sounds that anyone could imagine. And once a large enough base of friends has seen this clip, you can drop the "Ooohh, oooh oooooooh, I'll stop, I'll stop" into your stories or converstation, and indefinitely prolong the minutes of pain experienced by this woman.

The reaction by the news reporters
I know that i would be laughing, so i have to give them some credit. However, their words do seem to have a certain degree of mock concern to them.

"oh no, oh dear."
"boy, i think she's actually hurt."
"no, i think she is."
"yea, she's hurt, she took a hard fall of that."
"gosh, i hope she's okay."

And, the woman chuckles a little bit at the end.

The music
da, da da, da da, da da. Kind of catchy, and really the perfect backdrop to this fiasco. Because that's what this is.

The "stop"
When the fall lady says "stop" and puts up her hands and freezes, she looks fairly stupid. That is all.

The step-out
After the lady crashes to the ground, the camera captures the perfectly graceful exit of the second woman from her own grape bucket. The contrast is . . . stark.

The controversey

After putting the video on its website, Ebaum's World received a legal notice from Fox saying, "your use of the Fox Copyrights is a serious violation of Fox’s valuable rights." The video has been removed from the site, and was actually difficult to acquire for a year or so after this notice. Now, however, it is shared on lots of personal blogs and i don't think Fox has the energy to deal with getting it offline.

The rumors
Perhaps most intriguing, the movie resulted in a series of rumors involving the grape fall woman, Fox, and various legal entities. Some people thought Fox demanded that the footage be removed because the woman died after complications due to the fall.

Some viewer responses:
"Personaly I think she was just over reacting (sic)."
"I think her left arm is broken."
"The woman died shortly after."

"Was the file name changed after finding out that the woman apparently died?"

"Wow, you guys are taking this thing a little too seriously, she didn't really die, It was just a joke, I even said I was kidding."

"i first saw this vid at a friends house, and belive me we couldnt stop laughing, even at work we always imitate the sounds she makes."

"she would have never fell if she wouldn't have tryed to cheat."

The backstory
"I'm always looking for the backstory to hilarious video. Here's the story on the Winery's website:
We felt it important to address the concerns many have had for the FOX reporter that fell from a wooden platform here on property. This occurred 7 years ago, and we want to assure you the woman is fine. Her fall was the result of the platform being filmed from the back instead of the front where hand-rails are provided. Safety is of great concern to us, and no similar incident has occurred before or since.
So this was a fairly old clip that, fortunately for us, some schmuck was good enough to tape and save.

What I love is that we have generated enough buzz and concern around the story that a high end, four star (literally) winery has been forced to release a statement about a 7 year old news clip. Good for us."

A Computer Shaped Like a Car

so, i guess one thing i do on this blog is to provide info about amusing (to me at least) findings. Here's one:




"You must have heard of bed shaped like a car but you have to be very innovative to imagine a desktop computer shaped like a car. Compucar has created the world’s first mass production desktop computer that looks like a car. The desktop computer is manufactured with the best computer components and is 18 inches long. The PC features 400 GB drive, CD/DVD loaded slot, 2 GB RAM, wireless keyboard, road kill mouse and 3.8GHz Intel P4 processor. The car shaped computer also has a set of internal cool cathode lights that light up the entire inside of the computer when the power is on. The Compucar is priced at $1750. So folks, if you find hooking-up all day long to your computer a bit boring then Compucar PC promises loads of fun!!"

the birth of this blog

Well, here it is. I have officially created a blog.

First, the blog name. I'm taking a winter study course at Williams College called "blogonomics," and we have been given the assignment to a) Produce intellectual or creative output and b) Distribute it to world. I was considering calling this "the mandatory blog" or something, but decided to try the thesaurus for some possible padle alternatives.

Main Entry: de rigueur
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: socially obligatory
Synonyms: a must, au fait, called for, comme il faut, conforming to accepted standards, conventional, correct, mandatory, necessary, obligatory, proper, required, right

Anyway, although the blog certainly isn't a social obligation in my case, i think the name works, and also makes one consider a future in which organizing and updating a blog may actually be a social obligation. perhaps.

Goals of the Blog

My initial goal is to produce material that is somewhat interesting to the world, and that is also amusing to maintain. I'm considering a series of "look what i found on the internet" type posts, including funny videos, pictures, jokes, products or news items.

I'm going to keep the grammar and punctuation fairly casual, and will probably alternate between capital and lowercase "I." I'll try to keep on top of the spelling (there is a checker), and my use of apostrophes should be impeccable.

I'm also thinking about starting a small website, so some of the ideas, opinions, and materials (yes, i will be using the Oxford comma in this blog), might end up migrating onto that.